Let’s play a game.
Come on, it’ll be fun.
Just for a little while?
Note: this game is best played with two players.
Same gender, opposite gender, don’t really care.
We just need two young, beautiful, lonely people.
We’re flexible on the young and lonely, just make sure you’re beautiful!
I’ll be player 1, you be player 2.
Here’s how it goes.
Terms and conditions apply.
We start with a coincidental meeting, possibly through a mutual friend?
The exchanging of backgrounds (irrelevant, just a formality) and names (even more irrelevant) will commence.
You’ll make a joke, I’ll laugh.
I’ll compliment you, you’ll say something cocky.
You’ll make a sweet gesture, I’ll play my ace -
a winning smile. I know this part very well, and I consciously angle my face so it is at its most appealing.
Step 1 accomplished: your partner’s interest has been piqued.
Step 2: Arrange further ‘coincidental’ meetings.
These will follow the same format as Step 1, but the players may allow for some ‘accidental’ physical contact and flirtations if they please. In fact, this is encouraged.
You’ll make a joke, I’ll laugh.
I’ll compliment you, you’ll say something cocky.
We exchange numbers.
Calling is too forward, so I’ll text.
Thank god for unlimited texting.
A little ;) here, an x there,
and the future is determined.
Fast forward.
A party can be the catalyst
and soon I’ll be in your bed.
Congratulations! You’ve won!
But oops, didn’t read the fine print.
It’s a long term thing, honey.
There’s a sequel.
Terms and conditions apply:
1. Thou shalt always flatter and fawn. Your partner’s ego is like that balloon game - it can’t touch the ground.
2. Thou shalt always compromise. It doesn’t matter about what, or how much you have to sacrifice, just “compromise”.
3. Thou shalt always be available, at all hours of the day and night. Your partner may want to talk to you and they must never be kept waiting.
4. Thou shalt never let your eye wander. Sorry, honey, there are rules.
5.
6.
7.
…
9999. The above rules may be added to at any time without warning, but are the fundamental laws of being in a ‘relationship’
That’s the aftermath of The Game.
Once the prize is conquered, the rest is all nuclear waste -
it should be buried in a concrete bunker deep underground for a long long time.
But relationships are Fukushima - there’s a disposal problem.
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